Journal Entry: 1 JUN 2019 at 00:32

I thank God for my daughters. I could have been a better father today though. After yelling about all the noise, them arguing, and just being kids really, I felt regret. A lot of people would give anything to be with their kids as much as I am with mine. Millions of men who look like me, some of whom are fathers, are locked away in the US prison/slavery system.

T.I. posted an image on Instagram tonight of a young child named Maleah Davis, who just died from what looks like extreme abuse at home from what I’m reading murder at the hands of her mother’s boyfriend. She looks about Eliana’s age or a little younger, same complexion, hair, and beautiful smile. I AM thankful my Eliana is alive and well.

A few minutes later, I see a post by The New York Times about babies born in the US with heart defects (about 40,000 per year) who likely need surgery before they’re one year old. The image is of a Black man smiling, holding his three-year-old daughter Skylar Jones. She died at the North Carolina Children’s hospital where they have a subpar pediatric cardiac program. Nilah will be three next month. We prayed for a healthy child like her after three miscarriages. I AM grateful to have her, and should be ashamed for ever being less than a patient, loving, compassionate father to both of my girls. I shall be better going forward. My trauma is no excuse to repeat cycles. My trauma ends with me.

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